Foong Speaks Her Mind

I remember when I used to get a full night’s sleep without disturbances. I get my full 8 hours beauty sleep. I could wake up early. I was not sleepy all the time.

Now…I can’t remember the last time I had a full night’s undisturbed sleep.

My son is almost three now but he is still waking up in the middle of the night but not for milk. Mostly, it is because of the weather.

Yep. We live in an area where it is quite cold at night regardless of whether it rained the whole day or it was darn hot the whole day. So, when he gets too cold, he’d wake up and start calling for me. And I have to go over to his room (yes, he sleeps in his own room!) and camp over at his room for the night.

This has been happening so much and on such a daily basis, it is wearing me down. For one thing, I work late into the night most days. It’s due to my part-time job as freelance writer and it involves a lot of online work. And by that, I mean A LOT of work in looking for jobs. I check up on job boards and etc to bid on projects. Nowadays, it is lagging quite a bit since India is spoiling our market. They are blardy bidding $2 per hour and even $1 per article rates. Blardy crazy. I sure as hell am not gonna write 100s of words for a measly $1 or $2! So, a lot of ‘buyers’ are choosing those with these ultra low stupid bids.

On top of that, I have my blogging to keep up and several other websites to maintain. Also, I have two major personal projects I am working on but hardly have time to really ‘work on it’. Yep, I have obviously bitten off more than I can chew at this moment in time. I realised that and now, I am considering letting one or two of my blogs just die off…but I don’t know which one to ‘kill’ off. Yet.

But I digress.

So, I usually work till 2am to 3am everyday and my son will wake up around 3.30am or 5am (whatever time when it gets cold) and I had just dragged myself into bed. So, in the end, I’d drag myself over to his room and just collapse onto his kingsize mattress (yeah, his bed is much much bigger than our puny Queen size bed) and sleep there.

That’s why I am sleeping apart from my husband most days. Sometimes, he’d also go over to my son’s room and we’d all three sleep there with my son in between of us. So, yeah, we sleep apart A LOT. And I realise this is not that good for any marriage.

I really don’t know what to do anymore. Short of moving my son to our room, it seems like I will have to sleep in two rooms every night, a few hours in my room and a few hours in my son’s room. I shudder to think what would have happened if a second child comes along.

I’d probably have to ‘permanently’ move into their room!

I know, many seasoned parents will say that all this will pass and I will look back and wish they would need me as much as my son does now before he becomes a sullen, angst-filled, rebellious teenager who’d rather be dead than be seen with his mom.

But for now, I barely have five hours of sleep every day for the past year or so. I think I am more like a walking zombie by now and sometimes, I don’t even know what I am typing here anymore…. Even now, I am so darn sleepy, the words are swimming before my eyes even as I tyep…

Zzzzzz…….

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When I read this exclusive piece of news in Malaysiakini, I was not in the least surprised by it. I mean, what is new? Since we already have government-sanctioned racism, might as well throw in sexism, right?

Oh wait. I forgot. The whole world is a sexist place. Not because most men are against women or that most women are against men. It is the way we are made.

We are infinitely different and as is proven when it comes to racial issues (due to differences), there are bound to be disagreements. And it is a fact that we do live in a men’s world.

If you look around you, anywhere in the world, you’d notice. Men rule the world. Men makes the majority of the lawmakers. Since it is a men’s world, naturally, laws side them. Naturally, everything is tilted their way and it is always the women who are considered less significant and unimportant.

Even in this modern society, anywhere you go, you’d see sexism everywhere.

Why else are so many countless women abused by the ones who were supposed to protect them?

Why else are there so many rape and murder cases and yet, women are blamed for ‘not being careful’ or worse ‘because of her dressing’ when the perpetrator should be the one blamed?

Why else do you think that in certain companies, women are paid less compared to men and women gets less chance of promotions even when they outperform the men in the company?

Why else do you think that there is still this ‘male supremacy’ syndrome everywhere?

Though I do admit that we are different and different strengths and weaknesses, but is it even right for men to think less of women just because we are not made like them? In the former UM VC’s words:

“Just because we are women and we don’t have that thing between the legs so we are not good,” she told Malaysiakini in an one-hour interview today held at her new office at UM.

Sigh. When will we ever arrive at a point where equality is not just a distant dream despite it being spouted day in day out everywhere? When will we ever arrive at a point where women are given the same respect as men? When will we ever arrive at a point where women’s role in this world is recognised to be equally important as the men’s role?

When?

When?

When?

And I shall end this post with this quote to prove my point about women being treated as less important and less competent in a men’s world:

Explaining her allegation of gender bias, Rafiah said she recently learnt that the women VCs were only given a two-year contract while male VCs were given a three-year contract.

- Malaysiakini

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I WANT to be rich and famous!

Heheh…I’m sure we have all been asked this common question when we were small and now, we are asking the same thing of our children or those still in school. From young, I already knew what I wanted to be. I have a very clear goal and one strong passion. Till now, that passion is still there and though the goal is not achieved, I know I am getting there.

Someday. So what was and is my passion?

Well…

It is definitely not to be an astronaut

Although it would have been ultra cool to go up to space. Although I may or may not be able to earn millions just by giving talks after going up to space as a pretend astronaut. Although I may be heaped with tonnes of praises and a former astronaut from US will even come here to give talks to convince the people that I am a real astronaut and not the space tourist… but no. Never dreamed of being an astronaut.

I could never be a ballet dancer

For one thing, I never took up ballet dancing classes and another thing, I am such a clumsy ox, I think I might just break something if I ever attempt to prance around on tiptoes and in leotards! Goodness, imagine. ME, in leotards? And PINK? Uggghhhh… I’m not in the least girly and uggghhh…I’d rather be dead than caught wearing pink leotards! I’d look like a pink elephant!

I can't be a clown either

I am no fashionista BUT still, I’d not be caught dead wearing colourful polka dots with humongous shoes! Besides, I am way too serious and sarcastic to clown around.

Ooohhh..I wouldn't mind looking like this

Wow. If being a lion tamer means looking like that, I don’t mind one bit! Just gimme a figure like that and I wouldn’t mind taming lions and tigers and any wild animals for life. I’d even do it humanely but not in a circus setting since they are known to abuse their poor, poor performing animals.

I have always had this fascination with BIG cats like lions and tigers. Just wish I could touch one…

Nope, can't be a tattoo artist either

So, yeah, sure I have a tattoo but I’d prefer someone to tattoo me than the other way around. I am just so squeemish about holding onto a total stranger and poking millions of holes into the person using a fine needle dipped in paint. Uggh.

And no, I am not a doctor, engineer nor accountant. I had none of those common, common boring ‘goals’.

What I want to be and what I do know is far different but I know I am working to reach my goal. Well, at least when I have the time. Perhaps my day will come in future.

Curious?

Heheh…make a wild guess lor.To the few who know me personally, eh, please don’t ‘pua kang tau’ (blab and tell all). There’s a reason why I kept this blog anonymous, okay?

All shall be revealed in due course.

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