Night time cries, sleepless nights and sleeping apart

I remember when I used to get a full night’s sleep without disturbances. I get my full 8 hours beauty sleep. I could wake up early. I was not sleepy all the time.

Now…I can’t remember the last time I had a full night’s undisturbed sleep.

My son is almost three now but he is still waking up in the middle of the night but not for milk. Mostly, it is because of the weather.

Yep. We live in an area where it is quite cold at night regardless of whether it rained the whole day or it was darn hot the whole day. So, when he gets too cold, he’d wake up and start calling for me. And I have to go over to his room (yes, he sleeps in his own room!) and camp over at his room for the night.

This has been happening so much and on such a daily basis, it is wearing me down. For one thing, I work late into the night most days. It’s due to my part-time job as freelance writer and it involves a lot of online work. And by that, I mean A LOT of work in looking for jobs. I check up on job boards and etc to bid on projects. Nowadays, it is lagging quite a bit since India is spoiling our market. They are blardy bidding $2 per hour and even $1 per article rates. Blardy crazy. I sure as hell am not gonna write 100s of words for a measly $1 or $2! So, a lot of ‘buyers’ are choosing those with these ultra low stupid bids.

On top of that, I have my blogging to keep up and several other websites to maintain. Also, I have two major personal projects I am working on but hardly have time to really ‘work on it’. Yep, I have obviously bitten off more than I can chew at this moment in time. I realised that and now, I am considering letting one or two of my blogs just die off…but I don’t know which one to ‘kill’ off. Yet.

But I digress.

So, I usually work till 2am to 3am everyday and my son will wake up around 3.30am or 5am (whatever time when it gets cold) and I had just dragged myself into bed. So, in the end, I’d drag myself over to his room and just collapse onto his kingsize mattress (yeah, his bed is much much bigger than our puny Queen size bed) and sleep there.

That’s why I am sleeping apart from my husband most days. Sometimes, he’d also go over to my son’s room and we’d all three sleep there with my son in between of us. So, yeah, we sleep apart A LOT. And I realise this is not that good for any marriage.

I really don’t know what to do anymore. Short of moving my son to our room, it seems like I will have to sleep in two rooms every night, a few hours in my room and a few hours in my son’s room. I shudder to think what would have happened if a second child comes along.

I’d probably have to ‘permanently’ move into their room!

I know, many seasoned parents will say that all this will pass and I will look back and wish they would need me as much as my son does now before he becomes a sullen, angst-filled, rebellious teenager who’d rather be dead than be seen with his mom.

But for now, I barely have five hours of sleep every day for the past year or so. I think I am more like a walking zombie by now and sometimes, I don’t even know what I am typing here anymore…. Even now, I am so darn sleepy, the words are swimming before my eyes even as I tyep…

Zzzzzz…….