The correct ways to insulting someone

I know sometimes you feel so blardy pissed off with some idiot or another, you will give a long rant about that offending person. As a blogger, I truly understand how liberating it felt to rant and curse and whatever about some jerk you just could not stand.

But as you know, nowadays, it is never safe to insult or rant against someone. You may end up:

1. Being sued by the person

2. Behind bars or worse, sent on a free indefinite holiday to Kamunting Resort

So, you see. Blogging is no longer a safe ‘hobby’ or occupation or time-waster. It can land you in a lot of trouble. But then you don’t really have to be worried if you know the ways. Here are some of the correct ways to properly insult and belittle your arch enemy or anyone you just feel like belittling without landing yourself into deep trouble:

1. Use all sorts of foul words you like from CCB to MCH to the western vulgarities of effing this and that. Whatever satisfies your inner cussing self. An example would be:

‘That SOB is such a MFB, who the eff does he think he is?!?’

BUT…

2. Remember to give the offending idiots all sorts of colorful names from the milder  ‘Stupid brainless idiot’ to MFB (as in MaderFarkinBasted) to the Chinese versions of MCH (as in Machauhai). Whatever you do, just DO NOT USE the person’s real name. Why? Err, hello? You are just letting off steam so why name the offending idiot? Why give him all the free ‘publicity’ even though it is not good publicity. Or of course you could always use a similar sounding name or something that may sound like that idiot like Mr Silverhead or Mr Royal Pain In The Arse or something like that. Besides, by not using the real, full name of that person, you are quite, quite safe because nobody could accuse you of anything.

3. If you want to write something obscene, go ahead. The more obscene the better.

4. Just don’t link to the offending royal-pain-in-the ass’s site from your blog. Why? Simple. Only one main reason. Links from your blog are very, very precious. Why waste it by giving it to some idiotic moron you hate? You are giving them free links! Whatever for?

5. Don’t rant too long and too much. Space on your blog may seem infinite but time wasted is SO irretrievable. No point wasting so much time ranting on them effing morons.

6. Even if you feel like going to their sites / blogs to leave nasty rude comments. Don’t. Unless you are doing it from some ulu cyber cafe where nobody knows you. IP addresses are traceable. If you do it in some cyber cafe, then they can’t trace you.

7. Don’t issue death threats. That is just SO to their level. Why stoop to their level and act like an absolute crass, uncouth buffoon? Death threats are so passe. Sending them stink bombs are much better than a real bomb. Costs less and have much more revenge factor.

8. Really want to embarrass the buffoon? Don’t need to. Being a real buffoon, it is soon that the person trips on their own feet and fall onto a pile of shit. If that didn’t happen, you can always turn investigator, dig up embarrassing stuff about the person and then ‘send’ out rumours about it. Before long, it will become an open secret.

Which reminds me. I have some idiots to berate.

To all the stupid political idiots out there:

I don’t care if you worship Lim Guan Eng and kiss his butt every single day.

I will blog what I want about him or any idiotic politician as I see fit.

You can foam at the mouth, leave stupid comments, fall down in despair or jump off the building to prove your undying devotion to him and his so-called perfection.

I DON’T blardy care.

Go kiss his feet.

Go tell him his shit don’t stink.

Heck, go eat his shit.

Whatever. Just stop sullying my blog with your sick comments and your adoration of him.

It is downright sickening. And that goes for any of you other political weirdos who thinks politicians are better than God.

With people like this, it makes me wonder how some people can go through life with barely a brain and pure utter devotion to some figure placed on a pedestal he clearly don’t deserve.

Uggh. (and no, to you religious fanatics out there, I am not referring to any religion except for the political religion of power).

There. Short and sweet.

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