The things they never tell you about pregnancy

Whenever someone talk about pregnancy in blogs or books or whatever situations, it is often about how wonderful it is, how miraculous it is, how life-changing and all that crap. Well, let me tell you, it is not all that wonderful and rosy and sunny skies and all that sweet and fun, okay?

There are pregnancy ‘side-effects’ and conditions that most people tend not to talk about simply because, well, their excuses are usually ‘it is all worth it for a baby so I won’t complain’. Whateverrrr. Worth it or not, there are still some not-so-fun and downright inconvenient sides to pregnancy. Why hide what’s actually happening? Here they are:

1. You pee when you sneeze or laugh too hard or cough – it is a time to brush up on your kegels!

2. You fart loudly at the most inopportune time and usually in crowded places – gas is a constant problem and yes, it is difficult to keep it in too!

3. You burp loudly after mealtimes – even when you tried not to!

4. You need to pee every 10 minutes – going anywhere without a toilet nearby is disastrous because trust me, it is not easy to hold it in for a while more.

5. You cry easily – keep away from soap operas and sad, touching movies and funerals

6. You also get angry easily – keep away from sharp objects in case you murder anyone in rage

7. You develop a network of angry, red patterns on your belly/ waist/ parts of your body normally known as stretchmarks that will NEVER, EVER go away but fade  textured silvery lacy patterns.

8. You risk developing diabetes and hypertension

9. You walk like a penguin at the final trimester because of the extra weight

10. You often do not ‘glow’ but have oily skin and feels extra warm all the time so you sweat a lot – ‘glowing’ is a nicer word for sweaty & oily.

And all those who feel the need to tell me that pregnancy is a miracle and all that rosy crap, forget it. I’ve read it, heard it a gadzillion million times and I don’t feel the need to repeat it in my blog.

You want to read something pleasant about how glowing and beautiful and perfect pregnancies are, blardy effing go to some official pregnancy site or some gushing new mother’s blog. This is no gushing, lovey-dovey, oh-joy-is-me blog.

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