So, you want to be a stay-at-home mom

From the moment I had my firstborn, I’ve had this wish to become a stay-at-home mom but since our finances were such that there is no way we can do without my paycheck, it remained a distant dream. The main reason I wanted to stay home is so that I can take care of my son myself. No need to worry about him being mistreated by the babysitter. No need to rush off after work to brave the horrid traffic to pick him up on time.  No need to get a headache every Sundays and public holidays that my babysitter insists she must have off eventhough both hubby and I most often have to work on those days.

So, when number two is on the way, I harboured the same dream. I wanted to be a stay at home mom. Well, a work at home mom, to be exact. I was seeking a way to earn some income working from home so that I can take care of both my kids and still get an income to help pay for the bills. Although I am earning some income from my other blogs (not this one, though!), it was not enough to replace my salary. After all, I am earning pretty much for what I do. And I do what I do pretty well, if I may say so myself. Ahem. Anyway, it was not easy to earn as much as my fulltime work salary.  Even after deducting the expenses we would save if I were to stay home, it was not all that financially sound for me to quit my job. After all, with a new baby, we have more new expenses.

Still, I wanted to search for a work at home job. Until the baby came. And then I had two whole months of maternity leave to spend with my baby and son at home. And I changed my mind. The first month was a blur since the days were hectic with feeding baby, changing baby, playing with older kid, shouting at disciplining older kid, cooking, etc. Then after we have settled into a routine, the boredom sets in.  And no, it is not boredom from lack of things to do but boredom of being cooped up at home with two small children for the whole day, every day, days on end.

I was really going mad. Hubby was busy with work and his part-time business so he was hardly home during that time too. Even when he’s home, he was busy helping with the house chores.

There were tonnes of things to do at home. There were the menial housework of sweeping the floor, mopping the floor, cleaning the kitchen, doing the laundry, folding the laundry, washing the toilet, clearing out the fridge, etc. Then there is the cooking for lunch and dinner since we do not want to waste money eating out when I am home and can cook. (Don’t believe that I can cook? Check out my recipes over at The Food Site!) Then there are the child caring part of breastfeeding the baby every couple of hours, bathing the baby and the preschooler in the mornings, ensuring the preschooler takes his nap, setting aside some time to play with preschooler, ensuring said preschooler does not accidentally kill the baby because he thinks the baby is like a new toy and changing the baby’s diaper every hour or so (breastfed babies poo and pee A LOT). So, yep, I was never lack of things to do at home but I was going mad from being cooped up at home. Literally. It was like staying in jail. Sure, I have the computer and internet at home which I can use to do my online work BUT what with all the housework and childcare, I hardly have time to do much.

So, I realised that I am not homemaker material. I can never be a housewife and be contented. I need to get out. I need the breathing space from the mindless housework and hours of taking care of small children. I need to be at work, to face other adults and yes, get irritated with annoying idiots at work. At least it gets my blood pumping and my brain going and I get the few hours of freedom from housework and childcare.

If you plan to be a stay at home mom or even a work at home mom, here are what you should be prepared to face:

1. Tonnes and tonnes of housework (unless you are rich enough to hire a maid to do all the washing and cleaning)

2. Absolute isolation from the working world so you will soon find that you no longer speak ‘office speak’.

3. Washing butts, handling tantrums, bathing small humans are now your new job description.

4. Hardly any time to dress up and look pretty, end up you won’t even bother because who dresses up to stay home?

5. The only adult you speak face-to-face to for more than 10 minutes is probably your husband.

6. The feeling of being in a prison with very demanding inmates who expect you to do everything for them will be very strong.

7. You can’t say you quit the ‘job’ because you don’t like it because being a SAHM is a full time, thankless 24/7 job all year round for the rest of your life…that is until you decide to venture out to work and be a working mom. But then, that would mean you have two jobs, one working outside and another as a mom.

8. If you are a WAHM, then you will find that you are always working, even on weekends because you are your own boss and you tend to work harder for yourself. Again, it’s gonna be a 24 / 7 job. No MC. No paid leave. No bonuses. No medical benefits.

9. If you are a SAHM, you depended entirely on your husband for $ which means no financial freedom to go shopping without needing to ‘report’ to hubby about what you spent on.

10. People call you a ‘housewife’ and give you sneering looks as if you are useless and unable to go out to work.

Well, my salute goes to all the homemakers, SAHM or WAHM, out there. I don’t think I could ever do it. Only supermoms can give up a career outside to successfully manage a household, take care of their kids and keep a home happy, warm and full of life. That is one great job that nobody could do easily. So, if you are a SAHM / WAHM, be proud of yourself.

Remember, only the hands that rock the cradle controls the world. Housewives rule!

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