Leaving this year behind with some sarcasm

It is the end of another great year and the beginning of a new one, therefore it’s time for me to start dissing some annoying, irritating people who got into my hair and stepped on my toes and make me feel like I want to dig their eyes out and feed it to the dogs or worse. And so….

• I just had my second kid about 6 weeks ago, of course I blardy well have huge thighs, thick waist and extra padding everywhere. Blardy hell, it took me 9 months to put on all this weight and you expect me to lose it in mere weeks? I am no super rich movie star so I don’t have a personal trainer and nutritionist and personal chef on hand to help me lose the weight immediately.
• I blardy well know how to carry my baby so there is absolutely no need to tell me to be careful of the neck, the hand, etc. Dammit, I am the one carrying her day and night and you big blardy busybodies wanna come and tell me how to handle my own baby? Well, piss off.
• For the millionth time, I am fully breastfeeding my baby. FULLY means NO FORMULA MILK. Geddit?????? How hard is it to understand that I intend to give my baby the best which is my breastmilk?
• And yes, I am going back to work because we could not afford for me to be a stay at home mom. For now.
• Of course I don’t have enough sleep. It’s because I happen to have a baby now. It’s a baby, not a puppy. Babies needed to be fed and cared for more than a puppy.
• Of course she looks like me (partly at least), she came from my womb, she has my blood and my DNA. It is not possible for her not to bear some resemblance to me.
• Of course she also partly looks like her father, my husband. Blardy heck, are you trying to imply that I went and had someone else’s kid?
• Enough already about her size / birth weight. WTF. Why are you people so blardy obsessed about a newborn’s birth weight? So, she is big at 3.8kg but WTF, I’d rather that she is in a normal birth weight than be underweight and be placed in an incubator.
• And what’s with all the pink clothes? And polka dots? I didn’t know girls are only allowed to wear pink. I wear black and blue all the time, does that make me any less of a female?
• I am alone at home with two small children and I am still getting used to a new baby so I blardy well don’t have the time to bother with all the crap you expect me to do. Don’t give me the ‘when you are free, you can…’. I AM NOT free.
• I have been caring for my children on my own while my husband is at work so I blardy well know what to do and how to ensure my older child does not hurt the baby. There is absolutely no need to tell me to watch out.
• Look, if I want to let the baby sleep on the bouncer and not in the cot, it’s my decision. NOT yours. Get loss!

Oh, and happy new year to all of you who still bothered to check this blog every once in a while. I know I’ve been neglectful of late but I can’t help it. I am still trying to get the hang of having a new baby around and a hyperactive pre-schooler demanding my attention at every turn.

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