An unauthorised Parody
unlike what you’d find in Malaysiakini
So, Bodohland decides to give a public debate a try by letting Justes tribe leader Inwar Abraham go face to face with Chabery d Strawbery of the Ugmo tribe in a very public space and this is what happens:
Round One
Inwar:
The Justes tribe will ensure that the price to burn fossils are reduced at least by 50 cents once they are in power. He wants all those wasteful dumping and the Energy Corp to reduce its storage of energy by half so that less money are going to independent energy suckers (IES). This way, Bodohland will have saved 2bil and another 3bil could be found somewhere else to add it all to 5bil to pay for the reduction of 50 cents to burn fossils. He believes 5bil is enough to help the Bodohland people who are suffering from the rising costs of things.
“If Ugmo can give out 13bil to an unknown company, Takwajar, belonging to an Ugmo tribe member, the 5bil is nothing,” he insists before adding that there is a need to plug all those unwanted leaking going on in Bodohland that leads to more wastage.
Chabery:
It is not only 5bil but 50bil because Inwar had failed to take into account the many other pockets Ugmo must fill such as the Ugmo chief’s family, his son-in-law, his son-in-law’s cousin’s wife’s brother’s friend, his personal friends, Rajeeb Nazak’s family, his personal friends and many other Ugmo leaders.
“The mere 5bil is NOT enough. You can’t expect us to fly economy **shuddered in disgust** and eat at roadside mamak stalls and live in small apartments. We need those luxuries including vacation homes in foreign countries like France and other places of Europe. We need to maintain our lifestyle,” he said.
Looking like a bloated strawberry in his pink attire, Chabery went on to say that the price of burning fossils is not cheap but it is not Ugmo’s fault.
“It is not our fault. It has never been our fault that we have our own fossils that we sell to other Lands for a huge profit and the profit goes to finance our luxurious homes, save dying corporations like Takwajar, buy faulty flying Horses and importantly to maintain our lifestyle. It is all the fault of the worldwide prices of fossils. If we do not make so much money out of cheating the people of this fossils profit, we would not be so used to luxurious living like now,” he insisted.
Seeing that nobody was applauding his impassioned plea that the profits belonged to Ugmo and nobody else, Chabery d Strawberry, picked up a clump of mud he had ready on the wayside and started slinging it at Inwar.
“Look at Inwar. It is all his fault. He is much too clean, that’s why we had to start the Sodomee project long ago to kick him out of Ugmo. We do not need clean freaks in Bodohland. It is all about dirty tactics, cheating, lying and greed. We specialise in that and it would not do that we have a rogue like Inwar who pretended to be like us when he was not all those years ago,” he said as he took another clump of dirt and sling it at Inwar. (Inwar merely brushed it aside coolly and was not in the least bothered with the dirt.)
Round Two
This is the Q and A section.
Question: Fuelnas has 20 percent market share of the fossil stations. That means Bodohland governing tribe needs to pay to other already RICH fossil companies like the Exhausting Fosil and Kerang. Your views?
Chabery d Strawberry:
“Yes, the money may go to the rich and the outsiders but that is what we always do. Other than lining our pockets, we need to line the pockets of the rich and our fellow rich men in other lands,” he said before suddenly jumping to Inwar’s sentence about the leaking causing more wastage.
“Closing the leak won’t stop the wastage. It is our expertise to ensure the leaks go to line our pockets. Even if you plugged up the leaks, it will not lower fossil prices because we have other ways of cheating and robbing the people blind,” he said with a snigger.
He then pointed over at the faraway lands of Nors and Fins and laughed at their lack of cheating tribes like Ugmo.
“Look at those stupid companies. They failed to line their own pockets with the people’s money and yet their fossil prices are still high and the people are still happy,” he said.
Inwar:
“The Ugmo tribe has helped companies, using Fuelnas profits, like Takwajar, Muck Airlines and others while using the people’s money. So, it is only right that the Ugmo start helping the people on the street, especially those suffering and trying to make ends meet,”
“Fuelnas is rich enough to give it fossils profits to the people of Bodohland instead of those corporations,” he said.
Round Three
Questions by Charbery and Inwar’s interrogators
Chabery’s interrogator - Dr Nothin Kamin :
“Inwar is just jealous of Ugmo and wants to be able to lie and cheat like Ugmo so that he could line his pockets and his friends and family’s pockets the way Ugmo did. That’s why he is now fighting for Fuelnas’ fossils profits.”
Inwar’s reply:
“We at Justes are not interested in fossils, we only want to share it with the people so that they do not suffer so much,”
Inwar’s interrogator - Sulkifli Zulong:
“Ugmo said the 4bil they saved a few years back will go to providing 2-horse powers carriages for the people in whole of Bodohland but so far, only 834.7mil was spent for this purposes. Whatever happen to the rest? And now the supposed 13bil saved from this fossil price increase, what will happen to it?”
Chabery:
Started blabbering and slinging more mud over at Inwar while making some incoherent noises about other faraway lands of Hiran and Venezla and how fossils were even more expensive there.
Round Four
Inwar and Chabery questions each other.
Inwar:
“Why was the Bodohpress used in such a way to make Justes tribe and other opposing tribe to Ugmo look black and muddy?”
Chabery:
“This is because no other tribes can be better at cheating and lying than Ugmo. So, we have to blackout every other tribe that dared to want to take over our cheating and lying position. We are number one in lying, cheating and stealing I tell you!” he exclaimed.
“Inwar must see this to realise this instead of trying to gain the stupid people’s trust as if he is better at lying to the people than us!” he continued.
Conclusion
Both sides give their closing remarks.
Inwar:
“The fossils prices is really too much so our suggestion should be taken seriously if not, Bodohland will surely fall if it continues on being ruled by Fark Lah the sleepy,” he said amidst the barely discernible loud applause by Bodohland people listening in and watching from afar. (Only Ugmo tribe members get to go near to this event and cheer only to Chabery)
Inwar also refused to return the mudslinging favour to Chabery because the debate was not the appropriate forum.
Chabery:
“Fark Lah is the best ever leader for Bodohland. He sleeps a lot and he helps a lot of Ugmo tribe members to line their pockets through various means, not only through fossils price. So, he does not need to take more from Fuelnas,” he said amidst applause by Ugmo tribe members who were paid to be there to clap and cheer while boos were heard from far off in the distance by the common people of Bodohland.
“Now we see Justes attempt to incite people to hold demonstrations but did not even go through with it. Then look at what happened in 1974. They try to outdo us with their piddly demonstrations when we have the whole Pariah force with us to ensure that all demonstrators are properly fed with tears and water and then send off to the I See All monster” he asked.
At the end of the three ring circus debate, Inwar and Chabery shook hands but Chabery and the Ugmo tribes are bristling with dissatisfaction. The mudslinging did not work, in fact, it caused more shit to splatter on Ugmo. Their pockets are being threatened and the Bodohland people must not know about all this shit.
So, the Ugmo tribe launched its very effective defense system - using the Pariah force to take Inwar in under some stupid excuse and using the Bodohpress to lie to the public that Inwar had voluntarily went to the Pariahs to ‘talk’.
For the full, real version of the debate, go here.
For the update on the arrest of Inwar by the Pariah, go here.
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