Foong Speaks Her Mind

You know what is hilarious?

The funny, funny search terms that lead readers to this blog. But it is really a first for me to have the search term:

Show me Malaysian p0rn video directory website

leading to this site. LOL.

I don’t remember posting up any p0rn videos here so I wonder how the reader ended up in this site. He must have been greatly disappointed to find a boring sarky blog instead of videos showing naked women and men going at it.

Maybe he should try the former health minister’s site?

That’s the most famous piece of p0rn ever for this year. In Malaysia at least.

Probably a bestseller nowadays…heheheh…although I don’t see the fun in watching a 60 year old man doing it with some China doll his personal friend. Bad video quality and grainy too.

Where’s the fun in that I ask you?

You want to watch people doing it, might as well go for the full colour, EXTREMELY clear with wonderful sounds, right?

Alright, since some people expect at least some p0rn in this blog, I might as well oblige, eh?

Here’s a sexy p0rn video… err…viewer discretion needed…

What?

It’s still sex what….only it doesn’t involve any humans. Heheheheh…

Okay, okay, ignore this post today. I’m a bit ‘off’ today. No, waitaminute. I AM always a bit ‘off’!

Now, seriously, here’s another p0rn video…

Serious.

Really.

Those under-18, please go away this is not for your eyes.

And no, peeking from under your fingers does not count.

Shoo!

Now, adults, have your fill of a free p0rn video at this blog that’s pretending to be a p0rn video directory site

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Wakakaka…I can’t believe you fell for that again. Or maybe you expected that. Oh well.

I actually have a lot of venting and ranting to do but decided against it.

Just too blardy fed up to waste anymore blogspace on idiots, you know?

Anyway, I’ve taken up a brand new hobby! And it is damn fun. Kinda expensive but hey, it has potential of earning me some pocket change. I will reveal it one of these days once I am very skilled in it.

And no, it does not involve any p0rn video directory sites.

Till then.

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I am no sex therapist but from my ‘vast experience’ (ahem!) in such matters, here are my enlightening tips on how to have better sex and sleep better too:

1. Do not become a politician - you may find yourself caught on video while with a personal friend and end up sleeping on the couch for the next decade or so once the wife finds out.

2. Do not have personal friends - you may be getting loads of sex in the beginning when you have personal friends but once the cat is out of the bag, you’d lose your personal friend(s) and what more, any in-home sex privileges too.

3.If you simply must have personal friends - do check to ensure your ‘meetings’ are not being secretly recorded.

4. Do get others to be the scapegoat - if something awry turns up and your personal friend, foreign or otherwise, starts demanding money, there is always another way to settle this. Just get rid of the problem and get others to be the scapegoat for you.

5. Do get REAL legit pills - don’t get the ciplak (fake) pills from some shady shops and you’d end up with something worse than a limp attempt at sex.

6. Do not be a millionarie / billionaire - you will then be open to blackmail even if you did pay for the sex and once you get blackmailed, you will lose all desire for sex and then the ability to sleep.

7. Do use protection at all times - if you contracted STDs or worse, HIV, then it is sayonara to your sex life forever.

8. Do get married - You may be getting loads of sex from various partners when you are young, single and carefree but be prepared for lonely days ahead when you are well past your prime and no young chick / buck would even spare you a glance especially when everything is droopy and wrinkly and limp. With a spouse, at least you have a 10% chance of getting some sex once a year. It still beats a zero percent chance.

9. Do get a super understanding spouse - especially the ones who’d forgive you for all your unfaithfulness and forget and allow you back on the matrimonial bed as if nothing had happened.

10. Do try anything in bed - just be careful that you don’t break or sprain anything and that it is done with your lawful spouse or partner. And what you are doing is lawful and not against any law or anything.

And finally, do try to be low profile and not be involved in any outspoken forums or assemblies because you may get a free holiday at Kamunting and with the absolutely conducive conditions there, you will probably get no sleep too and you will be fighting hard NOT to have sex when there.

Disclaimer: This blogger shall not be held responsible if you suddenly find yourself having way too much great sex and good sleep after following this list of dos and don’ts. You shall have to bear the consequences and the costs of condoms, tissues, etc, yourself.

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The word sex is such a sensitive and taboo word. The moment someone say the word sex, it will definitely elicit several types of reaction. Here I list for you ten reactions when you talk about sex:

1. **GASP***choke*** “Shhhh…don’t say it out so loud” or “How dare you say that dirty word?”  - this is from the prude, otherwise known as the narrow minded person (not necessarily old, mind you) who thinks sex is a dirty three letter word to be relegated to the same category as fu*k and the likes of KNN, CCB, etc, etc,etc…

2. *raised eyebrow, dilated pupils, sometimes tongue hanging out, saliva dripping, pants tenting* ‘You want it now?’ or ‘Let’s do it now, babe’ - this is usually from the chikopek (otherwise known as the leery sex-crazed jerk) who thinks that everything in skirt is fair game.

3. *widened eyes, all ears* “Who did it with who? Where? When? Is she / he married? Details, details” - this is, of course, from the kaypohchees (otherwise known as busybody gossip mongers) who loves nothing better than a tale of sex and betrayals and affairs to feed their tiny little minds so that they could spread it to the whole wide world.

4. *grimace and a resigned look* “Not today, I have a headache, honey” - err…need I even explain what type of people usually uses this line?

5. *grimace with barely veiled guilty look* “Err, I’m tired darling. I had a tough day at work,” or “I thought you have a headache? I don’t want to make it worse. Why don’t you rest and go to bed early?” - now, this is a tricky one. It is usually used by the lying, conniving, cheating husband that cheats on his wife and after having extracurricular activities outside, naturally he doesn’t want sex with his wife anymore! Of course, sometimes the louse is not even around to give that kind of excuse.

6. *grimace and hurriedly pretended to be busy* “Why don’t you go ask mom / dad about it? I’m busy right now” - this is often used by the smart parent who does not want to go into the lengthy, often cringe-inducing talk about sex with the children.

7. *shock expression and whips out handcuffs* “You are now being placed under ISA for threatening the security of the country by mentioning this word that could have people going into a crazed dangerous orgy that could bring the nation down” - again, do I even need to explain who will most definitely say this? Judging from the way they misuse the ISA, anything IS possible.

8. *confused look and scratches head* “Er, no thanks. I already have my own sex, I don’t want yours” - this is usually the ultra blur, dumb person who thinks sex only stands for gender as in male or female and nothing else.

9. *sly look and whips out furry handcuffs* “Why I didn’t know you are into this type of stuff…” - this line will pop up if you said the word sex with the wrong type of people at the wrong setting, like say in a BDSM shop with someone in leathers.

10. *Suspicious, wary look, narrowed eyes* “If you say anything else, I’d charge you for sexual harassment” - not necessarily coming from a female only because nowadays, anyone can charge anyone for sexual harassment if you so happen to mention the word sex in front of them and they think you are sexually harassing them.

Now that you know the types of reactions the word sex could bring, remember to be careful how and who you say it to. When you want to talk about sex, do it at the right time, venue and place, okay.

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