Foong Speaks Her Mind

NO!

I hope that is loud and clear enough to all the kaypohchees (busybodies) out there who just can’t wait for me to get knocked up again.

And if that big resounding NO still did not get through to your thick head and make you understand, let me explain the meaning of NO.

It means:

1. It is NONE of your blardy business whether I am pregnant or not because YOU ARE NOT the father.

2. It is also NONE of your blardy business because YOU ARE NOT paying for the medical costs, the delivery costs, the bringing-up-a-child costs.

3. It is NONE of your blardy business because YOU ARE NOT THE ONE to have to go around looking like a pregnant bloated beached whale with endless stretch marks for months before enduring unbearable torture and I am not even referring to the labour process!

4. It is NONE of your blardy business whether I had sex with my husband when or where or how many times a week because by asking if I am pregnant or not is the same as asking ‘Are you having sex with your husband?’

5. I am fat because I eat a lot and you are welcome to call me fat but IT IS EXTREMELY annoying/ irritating to be asked if I am pregnant just because I put on a few kgs.

6. What the hell is wrong with going straight out and telling me ‘You have put on weight’ or ‘You need to go on a diet’ or even the more direct, frank ‘You are fat’ instead of asking me if I have a baby on the way! It ISN’T more flattering than the other direct statements and I find it EVEN MORE insulting, as if all we women ever do is to get pregnant and produce babies.

Grrr….I just hate KPCs like that who thinks they have the right to stare at my tummy and at the sight of a tiny bulge or any bulge at all, they’d pounce like a hungry cat on a mouse. They’d come right up to me and pat my tummy and with a knowing smile say:

“Another baby on the way?”

And each time, I feel like wiping that knowing smirk off their KPC faces with a manlike punch. No girly slaps, womanly hair pulling or screechy catfights for me! But of course I didn’t because it is often KPCs like this tend to choose their timing perfectly, as in, in public places where any commotion may cause me to end up behind bars.

Heck, I am not a superslim supermodel so yes, I have loads of lumps and bulges and blimps and spare tyres EVERYWHERE because I AM fat. So, call me fat. Call me obese. Call me hippo or elephantine or a beached whale or a fat cow. Or even fat bitch. I don’t care.

But to pat my tummy (which I HATE. Nobody BUT nobody is allowed to touch any of my spare bulges, blimps, rolls, fleshiness or whatever except for TH) and say I am pregnant….you are asking for it!

Also, WHAT the hell does my being pregnant have to do with anyone at all except for TH and my son? Unless you want to pay for hospital costs, diaper costs, living costs and education costs of any baby I may or may not be pregnant with, then blardy shut the hell up.

Rant over.

Who’s next on the list to be dissed?

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I am not only talking about the MSM. I am referring to all news from all channels, TV, radio, online, newspapers, the whole media whatever.

It is always doom and gloom. Death, suffering, sickness (of the mind!), disasters, senseless violence, power-crazed political idiots, nonsensical rubbish from not too bright individuals and the unavoidable natural disasters.

Heck, I think I will forgo reading the news for awhile. It is much too depressing, it is making ME fat!

Ya, lar. Think about it. Open the newspapers, see some idiot’s face accompanied by stupid headlines like ‘We will engage the bloggers in cyberspace’. Flip to another page, read another ridiculous piece called ‘news’ about freedom of press but ‘cultural insensitivities and arrogance can lead cultures and nations to collide’. Then there is the bunch of monkeys whooping and chattering and spouting more ridiculous rubbish in the month-before-September House. Then after that, pages of fluff which barely interest me. On the international front, more doom was reported with natural disasters being the order of the day, murders and even more inhumane monstrosity.

Gave up on the printed news. Go online, surely got something interesting to read.

Over at Malaysiakini, a picture of a young man covered in blood jumped out at me. Darn, if that is not depressing enough, what follows were news of police brutality, of the Bandar Mahkota Cheras issue and more political crap.

Sigh…I am officially more depressed after reading all that.

So, I reach out for the box of chocolates I had stashed somewhere. I finished it within 15 minutes. Still not enough, I went rummaging for more stuff to munch on to forgot this depressing state of mind I am in due to some personal problems and then, thanks to the wonderful news in the media, makes me feel even worse. Within a half hour time frame, I finished a few packets of biscuits, more chocolates, a packet of peanuts, raw almonds and some dried fruits.

Now, feeling bloated, I suddenly realised my pants aren’t fitting so nicely anymore. In fact, it is practically bursting at its seams! WTF! No matter, I thought, the pants must have shrunk when I put it in the dryer. Yep, that must be it.

Then I walked past a mirror. WTF, who is that EXTREMELY fat woman in the mirror? OMG. Is that me? Heck, I know I am fat but not that fat. I looked like a beached whale. No, no, no, wait. I looked like a pregnant beached whale with a water retention problem and lard so thick I could provide it as cooking oil for a whole nation of cannibals. And no, I am not pregnant so I don’t even have that excuse to look like a pregnant beached whale.

What have I been doing to get to this stage? Oh yes. I have been reading the news everyday and after that, binging on junk that I should not even touch with a ten foot pole.

See? Reading the news makes me fat. So, I am taking a break from the news for awhile but knowing my own sadistic nature, I will probably keep going back to the news…

Sigh…good thing that I was not afflicted with DAPitis unlike some of fellow bloggers…or else I will probably be in worse conditions!

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I have always had what most people would call ‘child-bearing hips’ or in straight layman’s terms, a big huge butt.

I had tried various means to…errr…reduce the size but to no avail. I am destined to have big child bearing hips.

So, when I come across this news, I was ecstatic.

Seems like having a big butt or child bearing hips means less chances of getting diabetes or…get this, it can ward off excessive weight gain.

Hah, so to all those who snigger and whispered and pointed and gossiped behind my back about the size of my bottom, the last laugh is on you!

I even have the news to prove this! You can watch it here:

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